Natasha’s adoption story…..

2nd May 2024

Natasha’s adoption story…..

Hi, my name is Natasha and I have been part of the team at Moira Cosmetic Dental for nearly 15 years.  Around 2016 my husband and I decided to go through the adoption process, we have a son who was born in 2014, and after he was born, we decided that adoption was how we wanted to add to our family. We can’t really describe a particular reason why this was something we wanted to do.   I do have had friends in my life who have been adopted and my husband has had many family friends who have become adoptive parents, so it was always a conversation and after Matthew came along, we decided to move ahead with this idea.   When adopting with a birth child we were told that we could only adopt a younger child and that they prefer to have 4 years between them and any potential adoptive children as this keeps our birth child as the oldest which wouldn’t upset the family dynamic and birth order.

The assessment process is very thorough, and included obvious things like police checks and medicals, we had to have joint and one on one in-depth interviews with our appointed social worker, who also interviewed some of our friends and family who we had put down as references.  We were then sent to panel to be approved, this is made up of social workers, medical professionals, adoption professionals and people who have adopted.  We were approved to adopt in June 2018 and approved to foster in July 2018.

We had decided to become dual approved as we wanted to be matched with a child who we could look after concurrently. This is when a child is placed with you as a foster placement with the intention that if they don’t go back to their birth parents, we could adopt them. This can be higher risk for adoptive parents as the child may be able to return to their birth parents and adoption may not happen, but it is proven the best for the child as they are not moved between foster homes and creates stability.

We had been told it could take years for us to be matched but to our surprise we were matched with a 5-month-old baby girl in January 2019. Our social worker presented her file to us and we got to ask questions and decide if we thought she was a good fit for our family. Once she would be placed with us, I would have to take her 2-3 times a week to a contact centre so that an assessment could take place to see if she could be placed back with her birth mum or if she would stay with us. It didn’t take us long to say yes and then we got a photo which made it feel very real.

Within the week we had gone to her foster placement to meet her and learn everything about her, we also got to meet her birth mum, it was nerve racking but we are so glad we got to meet her before the formal assessment started, and the meeting went very well and very quickly we were all able to agree that we were all on the same team with the welfare of this little baby at heart.

Assessment takes 12 weeks but can take longer, if necessary, ours went quite smoothly and by September it was decided that the baby would benefit most from being in our care.  Her birth mum was adamant that she wanted her little girl adopted and not to be fostered long term as it wouldn’t be good for her.  This helped keep things moving at a good pace as we had her support and cooperation.  Once she was freed and in the custody of the trust, we applied to adopt her. This took around 6 months and included her being appointed a court guardian who is there to represent the child and their best interests.

The adoption date was set for 30th June 2020, with Covid restrictions we could not go to court in person. We had the option to postpone till October but we were so excited, we were happy to proceed without our day in court, so like lots of big events in 2020 it happened on Zoom, with just the four of us present.

Since the adoption was made final, we have agreed to contact with birth mum in person twice a year and update letters at Christmas and her birthday time. Our biggest question from people is why do you keep this up if you don’t have to? Our daughter is so lucky that she has three parents who love her unconditionally, one who knew she couldn’t look after her and put her first to ensure she got the care she needed.  Her birth mum and us had to make the decision that family can be chosen and jealously has no place in love. History has taught us that closed adoptions can bring complications and for child to know as much about their own life is important to their emotional and mental development, we would never keep a part of her a secret or away from her, especially when we don’t need to! We are very blessed to a have an excellent relationship with her birth Mum.   All the information we provide to her is age appropriate but when she has questions, she has so many people who she can turn to for answers.  We are also well supported by our social worker with advice and resources who help support both us and our daughter with this side of adoption.

While you hear so much negative things about social services our experiences have all been positive, our social worker and the Western Trust have been incredible, they have been professional, kind, understanding, as you can imagine emotions can run so high at times, I was in awe of how they handled all the moving parts and kept it so personal. We have had such a positive experience which I am aware is not the case for everyone.

The adoption system in Northern Ireland, like in other regions of the United Kingdom, is regulated by national laws and standards. However, there are some differences in the adoption process in Northern Ireland compared to other regions.

1. Health Trusts: In Northern Ireland, the adoption process is managed by Health and Social Care Trusts, which are responsible for assessing and approving prospective adopters, matching children with suitable families, and providing post-adoption support. These trusts play a pivotal role in ensuring the welfare of children and the suitability of adoptive parents.
2. Legislation: While the overall framework for adoption is consistent across the UK, there may be slight variations in adoption legislation and regulations in Northern Ireland compared to other regions, such as England, Scotland, and Wales. These differences can include specific eligibility criteria, timelines, and procedures.
3. Cultural and Demographic Factors: Northern Ireland has its own unique cultural and demographic context, which can influence adoption practices. Factors like religion and community dynamics may play a more prominent role in the matching of children with prospective adopters.

Foster to adopt or concurrent care is a process where individuals or couples initially become foster carers with the intention of adopting a child placed in their care when that becomes the best option for the child. This approach recognizes that some children may have uncertain circumstances, and it aims to provide them with a stable and loving environment while also keeping the possibility of adoption open.

It is important to note that the adoption process can vary from case to case and may involve additional steps or considerations depending on the unique circumstances of the child and the adoptive family. The goal of the adoption process in Northern Ireland, as in other regions, is to provide loving and stable homes for children in need of permanent families.

We have learnt that the path may not always be smooth, but the rewards are immeasurable. Our family is living proof of the power of love and the beauty of fostering to adopt. We hope our story inspires you to explore this incredible journey and open your heart to a child in need.  I also want to take this opportunity to highlight a charity that we support here at Moira Cosmetic Dental.  Madlug was founded in 2015 by local man Dave Linton. A man whose only experience in the luggage industry was bags of enthusiasm. He was heartbroken when he learned that most children in care have their belongings moved in a bin bag. At that moment, Dave set out to do something about it. With £480, he started Madlug and came up with our ‘Buy one, Wear one, Help one’ approach. With every bag purchased, a pack-away travel bag goes to a child in care.

 https://www.madlug.com